Notes from a Care Home

Part 1 – ‘Near-death In Paradise’

I’ve decided to keep a diary of recent events to try and get them clear in my mind, and Andrea suggested that I should share them with you.

It’s coming up to four months since my wife Andrea and I retired to Harrogate to unexpectedly find that we had set up a private care home. It’s a small affair, with only a single resident, who we refer to as ‘Patient H’, the Mum in Law. Conversion of the former dining room into the office and staff relaxation area is nearly complete, as are the private staff sleeping quarters.

I say private, but they are regularly invaded by H, who still can’t remember that none of her stuff is still there. My underwear drawer was on my bed while I was refitting the drawer rails to the cupboard, when H casually wandered in and without a word, started to rummage through my collection of boxer shorts! Quite disturbing really.

As with all care homes, when we first arrived it smelt of piss and Ralgex, but after some considerable effort, we can say that it no longer smells of Ralgex.

It has been an eventful few months, including H having a car crash that happened without even leaving the driveway and two attempts to assassinate me with COVID19!

If I make it past the next few days I will update you again…..

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